That’s why I’m posting it.
I just need to get this out: I’m absolutely disgusted with myself in every imaginable way. I hate what I’ve turned into and the fact that I have absolutely no control over it. Whenever I look in the mirror, I desperately want to just punch myself in the face as hard as I can. I never do, though, ‘cause I’m too much of a stupid, sonofabitching wimp.
I remember when I used to actually care about stuff. I had opinions. I was only exhausted when I went to bed later than normal. I was optimistic. I never cried. I was strong; mentally, I was a sonofabitching tank. I wouldn’t have a breakdown every time I tried to think of something I was proud of. I never, in my wildest dreams, would even imagine wanting to intentionally hurt myself. But here I am, wishing I could be someone else for a day just to beat the shit out of me.
What in all fucking hell happened?